As my return to Australia gets closer (4 more sleeps in Copenhagen) I'm starting to realise the things I have done for myself. It is easy just to go on with life and ignore the small things you have achieved but when those small achievements happen whilst living overseas they are so much more powerful and meaningful.
I am 21 years old. I still currently live in Copenhagen. Sometimes it just feels like I am visiting but then I have to remember - I pay rent, I have a job here, I pay taxes, I go to school, I now have friends here, I know my way around the city, I buy groceries every week, I have a bank account and most exciting of all, I am a citizen here. I am only 21 years old.
Some of the things, I have achieved with the help of others and some, I have gone out and done myself.
I know my original plan was to stay here for at least a year (I've been here 7 months) but nothing was actually set in stone. The only actual plan I had, was to get to Copenhagen. I got here - Everything else has just been an awesome bonus. I can't be disappointed that I didn't make it to one year because just getting to Copenhagen is a great achievement.
At the age of 19, I realised that if I really wanted to move to Copenhagen I would have to find a full-time job which would allow me to save money each week. I got myself that job. I stayed there for a year and a half, even through some shitty times, because I knew that money would get me where I wanted to go. I saved $200 a week until I moved out of home. I worked around it - I saved $100 a week. I made it work and I stuck to my savings plan because if I didn't, I wouldn't get what I really wanted. I even saved enough to visit America for 4 weeks. I did it all myself. I worked, I saved, I bought a plane ticket, I organised transport and papers, I caught an international flight by myself for the first time. I explored new cities alone, I had fun with just me (and others) and I learnt so much about myself.
I am feeling a little bleak today. I stated my day pretty normally. Made my bed, showered, put on some nice clothes instead of my ripped shorts and Tee and ate some breakfast. I got sucked into YouTube like I usually do. I had lunch and read some. I took a three hour nap and when I woke up I felt a little plain. I didn't want to sleep more, I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to go online, I didn't want to read/write/blog/even speak to anyone.
I finally made a decision to leave the house and try and pump up my flat tyre at the local bike shop - CLOSED. So I walked home slowly trying to get more fresh air. I took another shower and washed my hair this time. I put on some Louis C.K stand up and immediately felt better. I could have easily put on a sad movie I've seen 100 times before and lay in bed for the rest of the day. Instead, I did my nails.
I'm choosing to make myself feel better because, right now, I only have myself. I am on the other side of the world from my family and friends and it isn't easy. I am only 3 weeks away from getting on a flight home, but even when I do arrive in Brisbane, my family will not always be at home or in the same city as me, to help me cheer up. It is not always their duty. Sometimes, you just need to help yourself.
Now, I can hardly type because I am lip syncing at my desk to Michael. Funny how you can turn your day around.
I am sitting at home today instead of being at work. I threw my back out over the weekend, I guess. I don't actually remember what happened. I work as a Housekeeper at one of the hotels in Copenhagen. It is unbelievably hard work. I come home every afternoon after summoning all my energy to cycle home again and shuffle into the shower, eat all the food in my cupboard and take a nap. Repeat every weekend.
I occasionally work on Tuesdays when I have the day off school. So, between school and work, I hardly ever get a chance to sleep in. It was nice to have that opportunity today, even though I only slept 'til 8am.
I am official on Summer holidays next Monday - After I finish class. I am praying that the weather perks up in the next week. I really would like to get a feel for Danish summer before I make my move home (less than 7 weeks to go!) At the moment my face is pretty tanned. My arms are catching up but I don't even want to know what's happening with my legs. After wearing jeans or some form of pant since December, it can only be bad. Plus I haven't shaved my legs since Scott left in May. That's awkward to admit. Lets move on...
I went shopping for the first time in a very long time. I finally have some money to waste - That I really shouldn't waste. I get my next pay soon, so, I figured spending a little cash wouldn't leave me homeless. Getting payed monthly sucks! I only went to H&M but I got a few things. Summer appropriate.
- Specs with rose gold hard wear
- New make-up case. Old one was looking manky and crusty.
- Ponytail clip. So excited to try this
- Chignon. Helps to create the perfect bun! I love wearing my hair in a bun but I can never get it to look nice and tidy, so this will help me to create that.
I am so in love with the floral dress! I got it in the H&M+ section, cause I like my dresses flowy. It has cute little pockets on the front too. The black tunic is also from H&M+ in a few sizes up from my norm. It is still a tad too short to wear alone, so I will probably have to wear a black skirt or shorts underneath.
I had it in my head that I wanted a nice scarf but some of the ones I saw weren't complimenting my skin well enough. I haven't been wearing make-up for a few months and with the slight tan I have, all the pretty pinks made me look too red and spotty. The one I picked up is like a really light turquoise with bits of yellow and pink. I really want to try wearing it as a turban but I think it is slightly too big for that. I'll make it work somehow.
It is supposed to be about 20 degrees today but it has been cloudy and little overcast all morning. Only now is the sun shining a bit. Maybe I should head out for a ride - If I can mount my bike with this back issue!
I really hope I get a chance to wear my new dresses soon. I don't want to have to wait until summer in Brisbane. Although, it is summer almost all year round there. God, I miss it.
The weather here in Copenhagen has been positively shit recently. I want to punch the sky in the face but I won't out of respect to this lovely country... plus that is impossible. It is supposed to be summer here. There are some traces that this part of the world knows this fact but the sun only shines a couple of times every other week and even then you should still lug a jacket and umbrella around, just in case.
What was the point of today's post? Oh yeah! Michael Jackson! Great segway. Today is the third year anniversary of MJ's death. Major sad face.
The first memory I have of even knowing who Michael was, was when I was really really young. All my family still lived under the same roof and my big brother and sister were playing with their new Mac PC. I remember they were playing with the record function and I said into the microphone "I want to marry Michael Jackson" - I don't remember if they told me to say it or not but I know I said it. I remember his first film clip I saw on Video Hits - I think it was "You rock my world". It is still my favourite song to this day and I always play it when I need cheering up.
I really do feel this big sadness inside, that I can not dance like him. I have tried to learn to moonwalk and I wish I had the patience to master it. But honestly, no one will ever do it as well as the original.
- God, he is still in his exceptionally good looking stage in this video.
He just looks so natural moving and shaking around that stage. I wish it came that easy to me.
Instead I will just show my support in other ways. I have two MJ T-shirts - one I scored in a Thrift store for TWO DOLLARS! I also just started reading "You are not alone. Michael: Through a brother's eyes" by Jermaine Jackson. I waited until I was in USA to get a copy because the cover they released in Aus wasn't as cute as the American one. Hehe.
I met a guy in my boxing class last year, appropriately named Michael - We pretty much bonded over the fact that we both love MJ. One day he came to class and had a big yellow envelope for me. Inside was the Ebony Magazine Special Tribute to Michael Jackson published after his death. I am so glad I got to see this!! I took it to work with me and secretly scanned some of my favourite pages when no one was looking.
- Those facial expressions and those moves! Ugh!
While I was in California visiting my sister, we took a drive out to see Neverland Ranch. Probably the most excited I have ever been. You can't actually see the property from the road but you can go up the the gates. I touched the gate. And took a leaf from the tree out front. I still have it, pressed in a journal somewhere. I wrote a little message on a stone. I think I wrote "I will always love you, MJ". In retrospect I should have written "You rock my world" - Maybe next time.
It is absolutely amazing how much love there is, outside those gates, for one of the most misunderstood human beings in this world.
Today is my little brothers 20th birthday. I am not home in Australia so all I can do is write.
Beau has always been the type of kid who, when asked to do something, won't do it straight away. He will get to it in his own time and by his own means - Beau's way is best. God knows he has a million other things running through his mind. He is creative, he is intelligent, he designs websites, he plays the drums for Brisbane based band, The Stormchasers. He is a boyfriend, a younger brother, a son, a friend and a character. He does one hundred things at once, and he could easily manage a hundred more. He frustrates me to no end, but only because I wish I had his ability to be so free.
He is the youngest of four, the tallest of all, and pretty infamous in our brood.
Beau has: Spray painted "BEAUS" on the front of our family home, cut the phone cord to get Mums attention, put a sandwich in the VCR player just because he "wanted to see it on TV". He jumped off the back of the couch because he thought he could fly and consequently broke his arm. He kicked a goose. He wrote poems along the lines of ..."A cat in a hat sat on a mat" and sold them to Dad and his friends for 50cents. All well before the age of seven.
Me and baby Beau
Beau can and will do anything. The world is his and he knows it. If anything or anyone gets in his way, he'll just kick a mother fucker.
I love you Beauy! Hope you are having an amazing day.
Love, your big sister.
I've been recently listening to Lord Huron. I'll admit, I started listening to them because Drew Barrymore listed them as a favourite in a recent interview for Instyle magazine. Anything to be more like Drew.
But, these boys are exceptional. I'm not exactly sure what's up with the red-button-up-rolled-sleeve-side-cap-wearing hillbilly but the rest of the lads are nice to look at.
They remind me of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, except ....different. If I close my eyes, I can imagine being in India, the Amazon or a desert. The music makes me happy. I smile. In my heart.
My favourite is 'The Stranger'. When I first heard it, it made me happy. Then, when I was going through a tough decision making time, it was the saddest song I had ever heard. Now, it is enlightening. Everything seems better when this song is playing. I feel like I know more. I could fly.
I would have to say that my all time favourite program is Grand Designs. I could watch it for hours on end. I have.
I love seeing how people lay out their houses and the process involved in building a home from scratch. But I have to say I enjoy most of all to see the finished product: To see how people furnish their homes and how their fantasies of a space come to fruition. It is hard to deny that Kevin McCloud is not a major draw factor as well. Always doubtful and forever impressed.
For almost one year now I have been designing my 'Grand Design' in my head, and it is almost finished. I know exactly how I want my home to look and if I close my eyes, I can imagine walking through the house. I know where every corner of a wall ends and where the furniture will sit. Maybe I am crazy, but I know that one day I will build and live in my dream home.
I suppose one of the biggest parts of designing my home is how it should look on the inside. I want there to be colour, light and art and bookshelves that run to the ceiling.
I have thought a lot about what art I want in the house. Sometimes I think I want a few large paintings but then I go to Art.com and all that changes. I want my walls to be covered in framed prints and canvases from this website. It has EVERYTHING. If I would allow myself, I could spend a week sifting through the pictures. I spent a little while on the website this afternoon between episodes of GD and I am particularly smitten with the animal prints at the moment.
I love 'Sketch' art - This one reminded me of my Grandpa, who owned a race horse called Billy Blue Jeans.
The only decent print I could find of a Ladybug! Gorgeous colours.
I am not exactly sure what my fascination is with Flamingos but I think they are so ...cool. They are pink birds! and they stand on one leg. What could be better.
I love how you can click to the artists other work, if you see a print you like - There could be so many more amazing prints to discover! Good gift ideas too! I could be so stoked with anything from this website. Dear God. Can I just become a print hoarder now? I think I would be one happy lady in a home filled with these images.
My man left yesterday. Three months goes to quickly.
All week I was holding protests in the form of ....looking grumpy. I'm quite certain I asked him at least 5 times a day to ask me to come home. But I know that I am not finished here.
It is strange not having him here. I'm used to rushing home to find him lying in bed or playing games on his laptop. Who is going to buy me chocolate now? (I can't even afford my rent!)
He left me just over 24 hours ago. He should almost be home in Brisbane now.
Out of necessity I have already found substitutes for him.
My Boyfriends for the next few months:
Seth, Michael, Paul (I never realised how attractive he was), Jason, Jeff, Kevin (Grand Designs is my porn) and of course, Ryan
This is what my Sunday is looking like. Although, the last two weeks have looked exactly the same. I've watched a years worth of reality TV and sitcoms in the last 12 days. I think I've forgotten how to walk.
I’m having a really hard time at the moment. Ever since I
got back from Rome I have been thinking about home and home for me will always
and forever be Brisbane. I’ve been constantly in my head about this and really
trying to think what I want and what I should do next. I might just be feeling
this way because I miss my man (He is in London for the next few days) but I think
it is more than that.
I came to Denmark because I didn’t really know what I wanted
my life to be about. I am still unsure for the most part but I know I want a
huge part of my life to be about my relationships with my family and my
friends. I want to have better relationships with the people I love and I want
to be closer to them.
Basically, I can think of a million and one reasons to go
home but I can only think of one reason to stay here in Denmark: I want to
learn Danish!. I hate myself for doing this to myself but I am mentally not
here in Copenhagen anymore. I want to
want to stay here and make it work but ultimately I don’t think I can enjoy
being here much longer when I know all the comfort and love I ever need in my
life is in Brisbane.
I know this is a decision I have to make for myself. I just
don’t want to end up regretting it – I think I am also secretly afraid that
people will judge me for giving up so easily. The Viking in me wants to stay
and prove to myself I can do it, but that wimpy fucking goddess in me says “follow
your heart” … and my heart is in Brisbane. FUCK.
I’ve thought a little about what (if anything) I will do
differently if and when I get back to Brisbane and to tell you the truth, I don’t
think a lot will change. And that I am worried about. I don’t want to be home
for 3 months and think to myself ‘I should have tried harder to stay in Denmark’.
Sometimes it just takes extracting yourself from your usual
influences to discover what it is that really matters to you. Fuck, that was
McHandsomepants and I spent Easter in Rome. The most religious holiday of the year in one of the most religious city's in the world. Good choice.
We are not religious at all! I just liked the idea of eating pizza for a week and getting some sun.
The weather was a welcome change. I was so overjoyed to be walking around outside wearing a T-shirt and sandals. I even have a criss-cross tan on my feet - It makes me happy to look down and see it.
To be honest, the pizza and pasta that we ate in Rome isn't worth reporting on. We have eaten better pizza here in Copenhagen! We mostly ended up finding cheap restaurants selling Margherita pizza's for 5 Euro and drinking water we had in our backpack.
We did all the touristy things. It took up the week quite well really. We even had a day spare to re-visit our favourite places. Colosseum, Trevi fountain, Spanish Steps, Pantheon, Villa Borghese, Vatican City and we even went to the zoo.
It was such a nice week, even though the bed at the hostel was hard as a rock and my man got sick from McDonald's (of all places) - But it's nothing Gelato can't fix.